Perfect Love Casts Away Fear

Now that spring is basically here, and we've turned out clocks ahead suddenly my grief seems fresh all over again. We conceived Brie either at the end of March or the first few days of April, so I'm feeling whole rush of emotion. The temperature change and the time change remind me of a very exciting time last year after trying to conceive her for 8 months. The last few days I have felt overcome with fear. PJ and both want more children and have been given the green light physically to try to conceive again, but both of us are downright terrified. Will another pregnancy help our grief or magnify it? Will another baby seem like a replacement or is there room in our hearts to grieve and miss Brie but pour our love on another child? And bottom line...will we lose another one?
I have been reading Hoda Kotb's biography and in it she discusses her battle with breastcancer. After having surgery and dealing with all of her own grief at having cancer, she changes her montra to "You can't scare me." As I was reading this part, I finally realized that the heart of my grief is fear. It all boils down to the fact that I am downright terrified of another pregnancy. My head thinks the same thing will happen because it's the only experience I have had. But, fear isn't from God, it's from Satan. The scripture "perfect love casts away all fear" has been in my mind, repeated over and over again since I read Hoda's words. So, now I am praying for the fear that is from Satan to be cast away and for perfect love to be replaced. Suddenly I feel a huge weight lifted. Do I know that the rest of my pregnancies will be perfect? No. Do I know that I will not bury another child? No. But I do know that perfect love casts away fear and I know that He who started a good work in me will see it to completion. So, now I trust that God will allow us to have healthy babies, and if He doesn't and we have to cross this bridge again I trust He will give me the strength and faith and hope to survive.
Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant again, but only about 9 or 10 weeks, and we were at the doctor's office. The doctor asked if we wanted to check for a heartbeat, and I (fearful) said "No, let's wait just incase." The doctor didn't listen to me and instead tried to find it, and there it was...strong and alive! In my dream we watched the little embryo moving around, full of life. I woke up full of hope....thank you, Lord! There is hope!