Spring Time

Today is Easter Sunday, a day of celebrating the resurrection of Jesus and spending that day with family. Never in my 31 years would I have thought that Easter Sunday would end up being a very difficult day for me. Since Brie passed away four months ago, every day is a struggle but those important family days are now very difficult for me. Everyone dresses up for Easter including little girls and it seemed that everywhere I turned there were beautiful baby girls all decked out in their Easter dresses. Simply a reminder of how life is now different and will always be difficult. My sister Beth Davis and her kids Madeline and Gabe (born three days before Brie) have been here with us for the past week, and it has been such a wonderful time with them but a very very difficult one for me. I feel like everywhere I look, Brie is missing. We took a day trip to the beach, and as Madeline played in the sand and ran to the ocean with her Grandma Mar I was reminded that I will never see Brie swim in the ocean or play with Grandma Mar.
Yes, I believe I will spend eternity with my daughter, but I am human and the here and now is really all I can understand. It bothers me when "super" Christians want to remind me that she's in heaven and I'll be able to see her one day but as "super" as any Christian would like to be, no one wants to say goodbye to their child before they ever got to experience life here on earth with them. People will remind me of how wonderful her life is in heaven, but truth be told...do they want their children in heaven already?
Every day I become more and more aware of what things I am missing with my daughter being gone and although the crying spells are shorter, it still hurts and it's very difficult to understand that I will never have her back in this life.
I go to a monthly support group and have decided to start a separate blog with information on dealing with stillbirth, books I've read, support groups in the area, etc. The blog is wwwbriehackett.blogspot.com if you know someone who might benefit from reading it. In the meantime, say a prayer for us as I attempt to find the courage and energy to face the rest of the school year with a smile on my face and decide how to spend my summer months.